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My Secrets
Dream 7/26

I was on my way to Trevor’s as usual…but my gut had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. I texted Trevor to wait for me by 59 & 3rd Ave, by Dylan’s Candy Bar. He said, “Ok. See you soon, love.” And I get out the train station, I briefly see Trevor talking to a man in a grey suit. I go up to Trevor, kiss him on the lips, say to him, “You ready to go?” Trevor gave me the signal to start walking. The guy in the grey suit tried to stop us. He asked if I knew the little girl in the photos…As I skimmed through the photos, I fell to the floor and cried. I knew exactly who they were…It was me. Every year all the way up to 25 it was me. He then said, “I’m James, I’m a PI, a private investigator. I have many cases but not like this.” Trevor finally spoke and asked, “What do you mean?” James said, “Let him out…” Trevor and I look at each other with confusion. I see another man with a suit then I see the man behind him - it’s my father. Holy shit! I knew he was alive this whole time and no one believed me. Everyone thought I was going crazy. Mom sent me to a mental asylum for 3 WHOLE months just for my assumption to be now right. My dad stood right in front of me and said, “Mi niña linda, you’ve grown up so much since I last saw you…Coma estas? Quien es la hombre en tu lado? No me diga el es tu novio.” I couldn’t speak for 5 minutes and I hear Trevor whispering in my ear, “Wow, what’s wrong with me being your boyfriend? Let’s go. I know you feel awkward right now.” I finally spoke and said, “Yes, Avelino. This guy next to me is indeed my boyfriend. I don’t need your approval, you weren’t there for me. You lead me to think you were dead for 15 years, I had some sort of feelings that you were alive and I got sent to an asylum because of that. Not that it’s your business, Lino. Anyways, I need to go. Don’t have time to waste on a guy who can just pop up and think everything’s okay after I suffered major depression thanks to your fake death. Don’t contact me if you have my number. Get rid of your PIs, you won’t need them anymore…” Then I looked at Trevor and said, “Let’s go.” As we were walking, I looked back, and noticed my dad was whispering into James’ ear…I kind of was curious to know what he was telling him. I see the car leave and now it’s disappeared until the other guy comes out with a gun and points it at me and shoots. I fall to the floor and blood is coming out of my shirt….People start to run and Trevor starts crying his beautiful eyes out. He screams out, “Call an ambulance someone!!!” As this all happens, my breathing starts to slow and my eyes slowly close. Trevor starts to scream at me and says, “No, not today. Today isn’t your day. We said we’d die at a Nursing home when we are old as the Titanic. Don’t you dare die on me today.” I look at Trevor, hold his face, and say “I love you…I always wi-” Trevor interrupts and says “Did you not hear me? Today isn’t you day. When you make it through this, I will propose to you since I got your mom’s blessing and we can start planning YOUR dream wedding like in your scrapbook.” The ambulance finally arrived and we got in. Everything was a blur because I was not awake. As we got to the hospital, the doctors rushed me to an OR but 5 minutes later, they went to find Trevor and said, “We tried everything sir, she didn’t make it. I’m so sorry. The bullet hit her heart. We tried to remove it carefully but she coded. We will give you as much as time as you need.” My spirit touched Trevor’s hand and he said, “I know you’re here. Look after me, please…I’m now alone here without you. I love you Melinda Saldivar, I don’t know if you were gonna be my mom and hyphenate your name but I would’ve liked if you were Melinda Mendoza.”

(This is when I finally wake up from my dream and pray to Him, that I enjoy my life to the fullest and always say I love you to people because you don’t know when there or your time is….So enjoy it while you can.)

If there’s one thing in life I don’t like…it’s the fact you aren’t here by my side. Some days are like I really need you then there are other days where I want you here. There events that I needed you here for like my high school graduation and my first day of college…I wanted you to be there. I bet you had a VIP seat but it’s not the same as if you were there…The next event I need you is the most important to a father which is meeting the fiancé…who is gonna get there shot gun ready and say, “Where’s the sucker?” Then the next thing I know, you and my fiancé are having beers and watching soccer. Then after endless planning for my dream wedding, you’ll walk me down the aisle and whisper to my fiancé who you initially didn’t like and say, “Take care of my little girl.” Then years later, I’d have your grandchildren by my side with my husband. What? Is this selfish of me to say but I wish you weren’t such a goddamn addict?! You could have witnessed this happened but you literally killed yourself and left me with mommy which wasn’t enough. Could you have at least thought of me before you left this world?


I imagine my ex singing “stay with me” by Sam smith because he’s a miserable son of a bitch and he’s also a puta too. A puta hoe. Fucking puta LOL.


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